Part of the “What I Wished I Knew” series.
Relationships and Communication
Why wasn’t it ever shared with me that having both parents married and together in the household matters so much for a child’s mental well-being? Most of my adult life has been spent battling and understanding the trauma I carried from growing up, including anxiety, which I only learned in my mid-thirties was actually ADHD, inattentive type. A father figure sets the example of a man, and of how a woman should be treated, so long as the man of the house is a healthy individual himself.
Proper communication in our first relationships is something that’s truly never discussed in public school in America. Examples being: apologizing when you’re wrong, talking through problems, learning to work with others. These are pillars of society that I write more about in my article on why honesty matters. Was it that my parents failed to teach me the skills to fit into society and become an effective member of it?
My Parents
Neither of my parents graduated high school. One immigrated from a third-world country; the other left the poorest parts of Puerto Rico to come to America. They weren’t the best equipped to give me all of this knowledge, and I imagine they assumed public school would cover it. American schools were far better, at least when I went, than schools in a third-world country, and I was better off for it — but compared to other Americans, I still felt shorted.
Today I’m working on my second bachelor’s degree, learning everything I can to move up in “class.” I want my children to be well-educated and free of the worries I carried, while also being giving and caring members of society. Most of my life will go toward building the resources to help the poor, the uneducated, the sick, and the disabled, in the hope that my children can take what I built and use it to help those who need it most. My only takeaway from all of this is that if I’d been set up earlier, I’d be further along financially, in my career, and in my education. But I quite possibly wouldn’t be who I am today, and I wouldn’t care the way I do about people who grew up the way I did.