Loneliness is one of the worst feelings you can experience. At work, everyone might be laughing at a joke your boss made, yet you feel disconnected. At home, your spouse may be so busy that you rarely see each other. It might only be for a season, but being alone can feel unbearable. The weight of loneliness can slowly kill your spirit.
I’m speaking about loneliness because it’s been my biggest personal struggle. No matter what I do, I can’t be alone for long periods. My partner can’t help me with this, and I’ve been grappling with it all my life.
The feeling creeps up on me when I least expect it, and when it hits, it’s fierce. One moment I’m enjoying myself watching Netflix on the couch, and the next, I’m hit by the sudden realization that I’m alone. There’s no one for me to care for, and all I have left is myself.
When I was younger, these moments would leave me gasping for air. I’d panic, and the attacks would last a long time. I had many of them, but as I got busier with life and work, the panic attacks gradually subsided.
There are a few ways I’ve fought against the feeling of loneliness. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that nearly everything I do is to prevent myself from ever feeling lonely again.
I Tried Communicating My Loneliness with My Partner
My partner works in the dance industry. Their work schedule doesn’t usually affect me much unless either of us is traveling. But during the summer, they became busier, and I found myself stuck at home more often. I wasn’t working, had little freelance work, and couldn’t focus on Tru.Works due to computer issues. I felt isolated, unable to work on projects or find more design work.
This was a drag for me, and typically, when I get like this, I end up going out and spending money—which is never a good thing.
It got to the point where I began trying new beers, drinking more, and going out often. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it wasn’t me. It was a bored version of me. I found myself wondering, What did I use to do when I was single? Who am I, really?
This isn’t something someone should deal with alone, so I made sure to talk to my partner about it. Although they don’t experience these feelings themselves, they understood that it’s something I struggle with.
I Tried Filling Up My Time with Other Things
I shifted my focus from Tru.Works to my main job at Shake Shack. I want to open my own business one day, and at Shake Shack, I’m learning everything I need to know to eventually open my first store.
My job is something I take very seriously, though never more seriously than Tru.Works. But after my promotion, I paused all Tru.Works production. I even stopped taking care of myself—no gym, no time for friends, no focus on Tru.Works.
The promotion also led to a transfer to a new location, and my schedule fluctuated a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, but I knew I was lonely during this time. I just couldn’t pinpoint why.
I filled my time with work, yet it didn’t fulfill me. I was still alone.
Then my laptop finally died after struggling with issues for years. That’s when it hit me.
As I watched my MacBook glitch one last time, I realized I’d been working with a laptop over eight years old. In the past three years, despite its issues, I’d made the most progress with Tru.Works.
What I finally understood was that my loneliness stemmed from being unable to work on the creative projects that fulfilled me.
Boredom Caused My Loneliness
When I’m lonely, it’s usually because I’m bored. That might seem obvious to most people, but for me, it took a while to recognize. I kept searching for a deeper reason behind my loneliness. I was too focused on my main job, spending money on clothes and other unnecessary things, and drinking more than usual. None of it satisfied me.
With my new laptop, I realized that I hadn’t worked on Tru.Works since May. To be honest, I hadn’t created podcasts, posted on social media, or worked on products in over a year.
All of this was due to working with a slow, outdated laptop. When it finally died, I understood that I hadn’t been as productive as I thought.
My Lack of Focus Caused My Loneliness
My focus was completely off. I love Shake Shack, I love my partner, and I love everything else I do. But the reason for my existence is my creative work. I thrive on creating and sharing stories for others to read. I value connecting with people and learning from them.
Without a working laptop, I couldn’t do any of that.
That’s where my loneliness began. I couldn’t pursue my passion.
If you’re feeling lonely, I’d ask you to reflect on how you’re spending your time. Are you doing something meaningful? Are you living for yourself, or for someone else? Could you be stuck in a life that doesn’t challenge or fulfill you?
For a year, I was, and I didn’t even realize it. When you feel lonely, take a moment to ask yourself why. What are you doing with your time?
Are you busy? And by busy, I mean productive. Are you doing what you love? Are you spending time with people who matter? Are you living your life’s purpose?
I Was Lonely Because I Stopped Living
I wasn’t. Loneliness nearly killed me, but it also saved me. I knew I was feeling this way for a reason, and I had to figure out what my real issue was.
I wasn’t doing enough. My advice to you, if you’re feeling lonely, is to find out why. Your reasons might be different from mine, but if I could understand my loneliness, I know you can too. Loneliness can kill you—don’t let it get that far.